Put your mouth where your…mouth is
April 23, 2008 · Print This Article
Dear Eve,
This is really just a general question. I actually want to get everyone’s opinion on what makes one good at “going down”? I probably sound like an idiot, and no I am not a tweenager. I am just curious. I have many female friends that are constantly bragging about how good they are at blow jobs, and it makes me wonder “Are they really as good as they think they are?” What gives one the need to brag? I am, of course more concerned with fellatio, but what the hell, let’s chat. Cause there are males that brag as well.
I am ready for the criticism, just add some help in there too, please!!
Thanks much,
Troubled by braggarts
Dear Nothing but Trouble,
You are very naughty; you stuck three questions in there…don’t you know that Eve is busy and cannot spend all day catering to your needs? Well, lucky for you this week’s Eve (cough*Trista*cough) is actively avoiding work right now, so consider today your lucky day!
Now lets address these inquires one at a time, shall we?
1. I actually want to get everyone’s opinion on what makes one good at “going down”?
Well, I certainly cannot claim to speak for everyone, but I know what I believe makes one good at going down. The ability to make your partner come. Yep. That, my friend, is my gold standard of oral. The occasional no-go is acceptable, but if you want to be “good”, you need to be in the B range…that’s 80%, friends. And really, you should be striving for an A…
2. Are they (the bragging friends) really as good as they think they are?”
Please refer to question one. Are they making someone come 80% of the time or better? If so, they are fellatio and / or cunnilingus sufficient. Ask their latest recipient…there is no better individual to ask for a report card than that.
3. What gives one the need to brag?
Low self esteem. Yes, it’s really that simple.
Okay, all cheekiness aside, when it comes to sex it takes different strokes for different folks, just like anything else. So what really makes someone good at “going down?” The good sense to use their mouth in the right way; to ASK their current sex partner what it is that they prefer when it comes to the act. Next, and just as important, is the willingness to actually try out multiple techniques. My vagina is a snowflake! What worked for the last one may not work for mine, so don’t get locked down in your methods. And ladies, this same rule applies for out male counter(ehm)parts. Lastly, you have to have your head in the game. Focus and determination go a long way, people.
The bottom line? If your partner cannot tell you how you did due to the fact that they are busy writhing around on the floor (because they fell off the bed) speaking in tongues (because they cannot form sentences) and they are non responsive to you (because their vision is blurred and their ears are ringing)…then you have earned a place in the oral copulation hall of fame. They give you a lovely ribbon and a delicious banquet…from what I hear.
Love and kisses (in all the right places),
Eve
On 04/23/08 at 1:41 am
Rex said:
Question: What if a girl CRIES while I work my linguistics on her (with marginal assistance from the digits)? heh Seriously, I thought I was hurting her… color me concerned when I was a 19 yr. old pup. The best reactions in my opinion, however, are The Silent Scream and Angry Face Orgasm.
ANYWAYS. I hate bragging women. You can put your mouth on a man’s penis and “coax” him to unload. AMAZING. That skill is one in a million… *sigh* By the way, I am NOT asking the ex-BFs or fuck buddies of the woman I’m interested in if she sucks cock proficiently. I already get enough unwanted information from the ladies. No need to actively search for dirt.
On 04/23/08 at 5:44 am
Trista said:
I love how you describe the O faces of all your recipients and then follow up with “I hate bragging women…”
Heh.
On 04/23/08 at 9:30 am
Rex said:
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
The Oh-Yeah-I-Suck-A-Golf-Ball-Out-Of-A-Garden-Hose type of braggart. These piss me the fuck off. If you can, prove it. It’s that simple. If you advertise and turn out to be shit… well, you done fucked up your rep. If one can call it rep.
As for the O faces, those weren’t bragging. They were spontaneous reactions to an overwhelming flood of stimulus provided by moi. BOOM.
On 04/23/08 at 9:41 am
Rex said:
p.s. My tale occurred when I knew what sex was. I probably can’t even work my way up to 18.67%…
On 04/23/08 at 11:23 am
Trista said:
It goes both ways. If a guy talks about how great he is…well, he is starting off in the negatives. Sorry, but bravado is gross.
On 04/23/08 at 11:45 am
Rex said:
I agree. However, I want one of those “The Man, The Legend” t-shirts.
On 04/23/08 at 11:56 am
Trista said:
you remember which shirt I want, hmm Rex? Think back…its been awhile.
On 04/23/08 at 12:02 pm
Rex said:
Yeah, like a fucking YEAR ago. Jesus. The only shirts I remember are the ones you want me to make for the past fifty kajillion months.
I can only remember “I do my own stunts” and “Will Work For Shoes” yet you own those.
On 04/23/08 at 3:50 pm
Trista said:
No, no, no…those I had made at one of those cheesy “girl glam” stores or something.
Caulk…ring any bells?
On 04/23/08 at 4:32 pm
Rex said:
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeah. I remember. Kinda.
On 04/23/08 at 5:19 am
andrew goulding said:
True Story: As a young man I luckily found myself involved with a lovely girl that I’d gone goo-gah over the moment I’d met her several years before. To cut to the chase, she’d had only one boyfriend, who’d been quite derisive of her sexual prowess, her attempts at blow jobs, in particular.
Well, I owed it to the world to (e)rectify that situation and with my er…firmness and encouragement, she somewhat clumsily but enthusiastically got the job done. I, for one, will never forget her pretty face looking up at me, saying “Oh, thank you for coming in my mouth.”
Moral: It’s not how good you are, but how dear you are to each other that counts. That image, and she, will remain with me forever.
ADG
On 04/23/08 at 5:46 am
Trista said:
What a…touching story.
And I cannot help but wonder about folks who shy away from being on the receiving end of oral. What on earth made them turn away from this most miraculous practice?
On 04/23/08 at 6:00 am
Cassie said:
man…hear I was thinking all was good as long as I didn’t use teeth!!! hahahahahahahahahaahaha
On 04/23/08 at 6:02 am
Cassie said:
here…NOT hear..sorry
On 04/23/08 at 6:05 am
Trista said:
See, and there are some men out there that LIKE a little teeth…it’s all so confusing.
On 04/23/08 at 6:50 am
Kevin said:
Shut yo mouf!
NO…. TEETH….. EVER!!!!! Not while your fellating me, that is. Nibbling elsewhere is encouraged… but NEVER on the shaft! PLEASE!
On 04/23/08 at 7:36 am
Trista said:
My ex LOVED teeth. Biting down, not grating. Never grating.
On 04/23/08 at 6:36 am
Carol said:
I have never heard the gold standard of oral. I would have to say that no where near 80 percent of the times I have been the recipient have I cum. Probably much closer to 25%. Still, more than one of those lovers was fantastic…despite the fact they could not make me cum with oral. I like to believe it’s the same for some men. I have actually known men who enjoyed oral, but did not WANT to cum from it.
On 04/23/08 at 6:42 am
Trista said:
Wow…is it because you don’t want to, uhhh…come to fruition, or are you unable to? Maybe I’ve just been lucky, but it’s a disappointing night if I don’t get there via the oral, because that is the best route to me to take to orgasm-land. No contest.
On 04/23/08 at 6:47 am
Trista said:
Oh and PS…you haven’t heard of the “gold standard” because I made it up, like 2 days ago when I wrote this. But the gold standard part is seriously just making someone come, not the 80%.. The 80-90% is my personal standard. Perhaps I have high standards. Sue me.
And there may be men out there who don’t want to get off this way, I believe you. I just haven’t met one myself.
On 04/23/08 at 7:04 am
Carol said:
Oh, I am able…gushingly so!!! It’s so many different variables…I have known two men who literally did not want to cum via oral. I have my theories on “why”, but both were very generous, giving and amazing lovers. Both of these men could make me cum six ways from Sunday.
On 04/23/08 at 8:07 am
Trista said:
So when you say these men didn’t make you come but 25% of the time, is this simply because you stopped to move on to other things before you got there?
On 04/23/08 at 2:05 pm
Carol said:
Cum by oral….yes, we moved on to other things and the ultimate gold standard was achieved.
So nice to have friends concerned with my pleasure!
On 04/23/08 at 3:48 pm
Trista said:
Yeah, I just have a better % with the oral than the intercourse.
See?! Snowflakes!
On 04/23/08 at 6:45 am
Karri said:
Let us not forget to do our research. The all important “head or shaft?” will usually get you started in the right direction.
On 04/23/08 at 6:49 am
Trista said:
That’s why my number one tip was ASKING what they like. I don’t think there is anything more important than that.
On 04/23/08 at 6:55 am
Kevin said:
After some brief inquiries, as you mentioned… I think the single most important thing for women AND men… is to pay the fuck attention! To his/her sounds, movements, reactions, silence, physical “clues”, etc. Staying focused on the task at hand, and NEVER just “go through the motions”, is probably rule number one… if you’re attempting to achieve your full potential anyway. If you’re ignoring everything around you ’cause you think you know everything and you’ve gotta stick some sort of routine or “skill” you’ve “mastered”, you are heading for a failing grade MOST of the time, imo.
On 04/23/08 at 7:56 am
Trista said:
Like I said…focus. If your head isn’t in it…it’s going to suck.
No pun intended.
On 04/23/08 at 6:56 am
Karri said:
“Let us not forget when doing our research“…is what I meant to say.
On 04/23/08 at 8:04 am
Trista said:
xx
On 04/23/08 at 8:06 am
Karri said:
Honey, if I licked pussy…I’d lick yours. And I’d even let you give me directions!
On 04/23/08 at 8:56 am
Kevin said:
…and then the eve-101 message board exploded!
On 04/23/08 at 9:55 am
Karri said:
I said if
On 04/23/08 at 11:40 am
Trista said:
don’t lie, you want me.
On 04/23/08 at 1:12 pm
Karri said:
Until you grow a penis this relationship will go no further. I’m sorry!
On 04/23/08 at 1:20 pm
Trista said:
I refuse to acknowledge your demand…I would give up my vagina for NO ONE!
On 04/23/08 at 5:55 pm
Chris said:
You wouldn’t give your vagina to me? Oh! I’m crushed! Crushed, do you hear me? Crushed!
On 04/23/08 at 6:06 pm
Trista said:
No…I sometimes SHARE…but I maintain executive rights, always.
On 04/23/08 at 8:02 pm
Chris said:
[Jim Carey voice] Re-he-he-he-he-aly? Then allow me to begin the seduction!
On 04/23/08 at 6:47 am
PrincessQ said:
I’ve made my partner cum EVERYTIME in 3 years.
But that comes from asking him what he likes, listening and not being afraid to try new things…like recently, I’ve been attempting deep throating…fun! Heh. You also have to not be afraid to look like a goof (Deep throat = gag= tears in my eyes).
As far as a man going down on me, only 2 men have been able to make me cum multiple times…
Speaking of which…I’m a little horny now.
On 04/23/08 at 6:50 am
Trista said:
My last boyfriend missed getting me there one time. In 1 1/2 years.
Oh man…I totally miss him right now! =(
On 04/23/08 at 6:59 am
Kevin said:
Through a combination of who I’ve been with… and my own determination and STRONG enjoyment and desire to please a woman orally, I’ve yet to fail. Well, there was one girl… but she “NEEDED” to cum through intercourse. I think it was part physical, but also some mental. She just didn’t even want to give me my full due down there. Much as I begged and pleaded. But I wasn’t going to start a fight over it. No problem handling it HOWEVER she prefers.
On 04/23/08 at 7:07 am
Carol said:
<—waits for Karri’s response…..are men allowed at the commune?
On 04/23/08 at 7:44 am
Karri said:
Visiting hours are from 9:00 p.m. to midnight.
On 04/23/08 at 6:51 am
Jason said:
Well I definately agree that everyone has different preferences, however there is one thing that definately goes an extremely long way towards making a it a memorable experience for a man…. enthusiasm. Ladies, if you don’t enjoy it or want to do it, we know, and it shows in more ways that one. However if you take pleasure in your work, so to speak, it also shows. I certaintly don’t expect every woman out there to go “ga-ga” over going down, but taking some pride and getting some personal satisfaction from the pleasure you are hopefully bestowing on your lucky partner will make the experience better for all involved.
And on a personal note… for me if a woman doesn’t like or want to… I’d rather she didn’t at all. Sex in all its forms is about pleasure in its purest form (I’m speaking about the physical portion only here… I’m not getting into the emotional counterpart). And if a woman is viewing any part of the act as a “chore” or requirement, instead of it being a want or desire that’s being fufilled…. Well than just forget it. If you head and heart isn’t into “head”… than just don’t bother.
On 04/23/08 at 7:03 am
Kevin said:
Exactly, bro! Couldn’t have said it better. And yeah… that’s MY “secret”. My strong desire to please her… ANY way she wants me to… coupled with the fact that I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE worshiping at the temple… and yeah, I’ve had zero complaints. Yet MANY a broken headboard, ear injury, claw mark on the wall, torn sheet, and THOROUGHLY disturbed neighbor in my trophy case.
On 04/23/08 at 8:18 am
Trista said:
Ohhhhh…I have the BEST neighbor story…I should post it here sometime.
On 04/23/08 at 7:58 am
Trista said:
“for me if a woman doesn’t like or want to… I’d rather she didn’t at all…”
~Agreed. There is nothing more uncomfortable than lackluster oral.
On 04/23/08 at 8:08 am
Jason said:
Amen!
On 04/23/08 at 6:51 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
While I don’t claim to be the world’s greatest, I figure I at least qualify as proficient. I haven’t had a partner not come since 1990, and I’m not complaining about that. You’re right, it is different for everyone. Some people want the foreplay along with it, and some want you to just go for the gold. All I know is that I try my best every time.
On 04/23/08 at 8:00 am
Trista said:
“I haven’t had a partner not come since 1990…”
Wow…your wife is like a machine.
On 04/23/08 at 9:39 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
We haven’t been together that long… only 14 years. That includes 4 years prior to her that this held true also. I keep offering, but you always say no, waht can I say? Stick with me kid, I’ll show you the stars!
On 04/23/08 at 11:26 am
Trista said:
see my first conversation with Rex…bragging is a no no.
On 04/24/08 at 6:32 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
I’m not bragging. I’m offering, one more time. For some reason I figure you would be my failure that would teach me humility.
On 04/24/08 at 7:56 am
Trista said:
Zing! =)
On 04/24/08 at 10:49 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
Well, tell me it isn’t true. The one of the two women I would love to give this to, and it would be a complete and utter failure. I’m sure I’d end up being blog fodder after that one. And besides, humility is a good thing. And since Karri won’t become the 3rd in my marriage…
On 04/23/08 at 7:32 am
The Hater named Charles said:
Yeah, let’s talk about oral when I’m living near donaldsonville(AIDS/STI capitol of the south)!!! I don’t even drink so I can avoid any one night stands, accidental or otherwise.
Truthfully, I’ve never gotten felatio that I didn’t enjoy. Use you hands, a lot of spit and hum and Charlie is one happy boy. But I gotta admit, deepthroat action is heavenly. Except when the gag reflex of the girl you are with is lacking. My friend, the young perv, used to watch girls eat big sticks when we were in eigth grade. And chose his girlfriends that way. Alas it took me a couple years to understand why he did that. As for me, I’m no expert, but, when I was a mere freshie in high school I had a lesbian friend who gave me good pointers. It also doesn’t hurt to have my huge basketball palming hands and an inquisitive nature.
On 04/23/08 at 8:03 am
Trista said:
“As for me, I’m no expert, but, when I was a mere freshie in high school I had a lesbian friend who gave me good pointers.”
This is why we all need gay friends. The best blow job tips often come from my gay male friends, and thanks to my lesbian friends I am really good at giving pointers to my givers.
Yay for the gays!
On 04/23/08 at 9:24 am
The Hater named Charles said:
“Yay for the gays!”
For real! Plus my friend totally set me up with some pretty cool girls. She basically did all the groundwork. One gay friend taught me the meaning of loyalty. He fought with me while I was getting jumped. The straight friends who were with us tucked tail and ran. That’s why I find it funny that so many people are homophobic down here. Gay people are cool as hell.
On 04/23/08 at 9:35 am
Rex said:
TANGENT: 3 out of 5 gays I know love STAR TREK. …there’s something to that. haha
On 04/23/08 at 9:53 am
The Hater named Charles said:
LMAO!! I’m a Star Wars Guy so I find that hilarious. Twice as funny as the LOTR vs. Star Wars Dozens in Clerks II.
On 04/23/08 at 9:56 am
The Hater named Charles said:
And by “dozens” I mean trading snide remarks.
On 04/23/08 at 11:44 am
Trista said:
yeah, it tells me you hang with other sci fi fans.
On 04/23/08 at 8:04 am
rox said:
I wouldnt normally put myself out like this, but, for the benefit of mankind……
If any of the attractive, hot, horny women that frequent this blog want to hone their skills, I will go the extra mile and let you blow me so I can give you a few pointers.
I AM a good person!
On 04/23/08 at 8:12 am
Trista said:
You ARE a good person!
On 04/23/08 at 8:19 am
Meghan said:
‘My vagina is a snowflake!’ Hahahaha! There doesn’t seem to be any references yet from the gentlemen about catching on their tongues!!
On 04/23/08 at 8:24 am
Trista said:
They aren’t as clever as you…or they aren’t thorough readers.
On 04/23/08 at 9:01 am
Karri said:
OR…they’re selfish bastards?
On 04/23/08 at 9:10 am
The Hater named Charles said:
Or some of us are gentlemen and refrain from such talk…… who am I kidding? I’m a selfish bastard! ;p
On 04/23/08 at 9:52 am
Karri said:
I have a hard time believing that. (the selfish part)
On 04/23/08 at 9:59 am
The Hater named Charles said:
‘I have a hard time believing that. (the selfish part)
‘
Is that so? I am also a prince from ethiopia who trapped here in America. I need only one thousand of your american dollars and then I can rturn home. Once there I will gladly send you the equivalent of one million in u.s. currency…….
On 04/23/08 at 10:13 am
Karri said:
Really, you are? As in yours first or hers never?